Maureen: “I’m sitting here in Guatemala, in the heart of the Petén jungle with Mitchell Hasslet from the New York Chronicle. What brings you down here, Mr. Hasslet?”
Mitch: “After 250 pages we’re not on a first name basis yet?”
Maureen: “Right. I was trying to pretend this was formal.”
Mitch: “I have mosquitoes rearing generations of offspring on my arms and I think my backside has melted into this plastic chair. Plus, you have already seen me in some rather indelicate situations, so we seem to have passed formal long ago.”
Maureen: “Right. Okay then. Let’s talk about what brings you to the jungle.”
Mitch: “Money.”
Maureen: “No mincing of words there. What about the professor over there? Alex. What do you think about her?”
Mitch: “You mean Alexandra? Excuse me, Doctor Alexandra Langley. Yeah, she’s pretty hot. But I want to do my job and get the out of this godforsaken snake pit.”
Maureen: “So you think Alex is hot? What about me?”
Mitch: “Oh God! Ewww. You wrote me. Wouldn’t that be like incest or something?”
Maureen: “Well, yeah, but for the record, Alex isn’t that hot.”
Mitch: “Ummm, yeah. Yeah she is. But hey, like I said, I don’t have time for her.”
Maureen: “Right. You have to rush back to New York, to your kushy job taking pictures of Paris Hilton teaching her Chihuahua how to walk in high heels.”
Mitch: “Ouch. That’s not fair and you know it. I used to work in some of the most volatile locations in the world, and I’ve met with some of the most influential figures in politics…”
Maureen: Sigh. “And you’ve photographed wars...”
Mitch: “I have! You’re mocking me.”
Maureen: “You prefer Alexandra to me.”
Mitch: “You stuck me in the jungle with her. Oh, and by the way, isn’t that a boa constrictor hanging behind you?”
Maureen: “That trick will not work. This interview is about you. Now tell us, do you really think you’re going to find the stolen Mayan shipment down here?”
Mitch: “Honestly, I probably have about a 10% chance of finding it. But hey, they paid my way down here and I will get a huge bonus if I do…so if my incentive has anything to do with it, yeah I’ll find the damn artifacts.”
Maureen: “Good to know your morals are intact.”
Mitch: “Perhaps the hero in your next book will find you hot and you won’t harass me like this.”
Maureen: “It’s fortunate for you that JUNGLE OF DECEIT has been released. I could easily edit in a scene with you doing the backstroke in quicksand.”
Mitch: “You’d miss me.”
Maureen: “Would not.”
Mitch: “Umm, considering that boa is about to wrap around your neck, I’m guessing you might want to end this interview.”
